Do you ever get the feeling that you want to just let go and run screaming at the top of your lungs down the road, up the hill, across a bridge or wherever it is that you can run to?
I do.
This year has been tumultuous to say the least. I've covered a lot of distance (not in geographical miles, but in life miles) this year. But in the process, I think I've lost a little bit of myself somewhere along the way. Just the other day, I was on the tube to work and out of nowhere, a thought popped into my head. A thought that I would look back upon this year as the year that I lost my innocence.
Ok it's not as traumatic and boo-hoo as it sounds. What I mean is I've just dealt with way too many life changing situations, decisions and moral dilemmas this year. I've been let down by people really close to me. I've had moments of intense vulnerability and for the first time this year, I've found myself alone, truly alone, in dealing with them. For the first time I haven't had a single person to turn and talk to. And this is mainly to do with the fact that I felt like the situation was mine alone to deal with.
Call me strange, but this is a new experience for me. I pride myself on having a strong support network, one that has stood me in stead in worse times.
But this time, I put my heart, soul and faith into one person - the emotional equivalent of putting all my eggs in one basket - and was let down. Rather badly. Trust was shaken, heart was chipped etc etc. So yeah, it was bad.
And so now the question remains for me to ask myself - can I teach myself to trust this basket (no that wasn't a typo) again? Can I put all my eggs (love, faith, trust, happiness, strength) into this basket again?
I think it takes a certain amount of old world naivete, of blue eyed innocence to trust like that.
And I just need to make up my mind and my heart if I can.
-----
On a different note, I updated my iPhone 4 software yesterday after my sister's insistent nagging. And I muttered and moaned my way through all 58 mins of the software update. But what's this? My 14 month old phone feels like a brand new one. It's snazzier, sharper and more gizmo -ey and I've fallen in love with it all over again.
Perhaps there's a life lesson in that.
I'll leave it for my heart to figure it out.
I do.
This year has been tumultuous to say the least. I've covered a lot of distance (not in geographical miles, but in life miles) this year. But in the process, I think I've lost a little bit of myself somewhere along the way. Just the other day, I was on the tube to work and out of nowhere, a thought popped into my head. A thought that I would look back upon this year as the year that I lost my innocence.
Ok it's not as traumatic and boo-hoo as it sounds. What I mean is I've just dealt with way too many life changing situations, decisions and moral dilemmas this year. I've been let down by people really close to me. I've had moments of intense vulnerability and for the first time this year, I've found myself alone, truly alone, in dealing with them. For the first time I haven't had a single person to turn and talk to. And this is mainly to do with the fact that I felt like the situation was mine alone to deal with.
Call me strange, but this is a new experience for me. I pride myself on having a strong support network, one that has stood me in stead in worse times.
But this time, I put my heart, soul and faith into one person - the emotional equivalent of putting all my eggs in one basket - and was let down. Rather badly. Trust was shaken, heart was chipped etc etc. So yeah, it was bad.
And so now the question remains for me to ask myself - can I teach myself to trust this basket (no that wasn't a typo) again? Can I put all my eggs (love, faith, trust, happiness, strength) into this basket again?
I think it takes a certain amount of old world naivete, of blue eyed innocence to trust like that.
And I just need to make up my mind and my heart if I can.
-----
On a different note, I updated my iPhone 4 software yesterday after my sister's insistent nagging. And I muttered and moaned my way through all 58 mins of the software update. But what's this? My 14 month old phone feels like a brand new one. It's snazzier, sharper and more gizmo -ey and I've fallen in love with it all over again.
Perhaps there's a life lesson in that.
I'll leave it for my heart to figure it out.
Something i might have missed? Muah muah dottie!
ReplyDeleteLife can give lessons from strange places, iPhone is new addition maybe
ReplyDeleteI too have gone through time in past which has been harrowing to say the least but upon looking back perhaps those times hardened me a bit