Get Out There

It's been one of those weeks.AND its only Wednesday!
I'm not normally one to get all moany and grumpy about work because to be honest, I love what I do.
(Sidenote: I work in Fashion. and before you get all 'oooooo, how glamorous! must be such fun' yada yada.. Let me tell you, it's not glamorous at all. It's mostly a lot of panicking, constantly calling up people and begging them to deliver that fabric or this dress, loads of drama and tears, and a mild reminder from someone when I'm on the verge of a breakdown that 'It's only clothes..' - at which point I have a complete breakdown! Anyway, more on this later. but yeah, I work in Fashion.)
So back to my shitty week. I live and work in London, which is such a great place to be working in Fashion. The city is crawling with self-proclaimed fashionistas! It's vibrant, alive and a melting pot of ideas, thoughts and inspiration! I work with a luxury fashion brand - it's a small company and a small team. London is full of loads of small businesses and you would be surprised at how many 'Fashion Labels' involve approximately 3-4 people squirelling away behind the scenes. It's no wonder nervous breakdowns and high drama are routine in this business cosnidering the insane workload most of handle and don't get paid for. Which I guess brings us neatly to my shitty day.
So, working within a small company means that I'm consistently juggling 25 balls at once. Normally I thrive on the diversity and high paced nature of my role but of late a niggling voice in my head has been saying 'Is this all there is to it?'. A wise person once said to me that every job has a 'shelf life', the proverbial 'tipping point' - a point at which you realise that actually, I've learnt all there is to learn and I could be doing a whole lot more. And I guess, I've reached that point where I feel like I need to move on. Realisation is a great thing, acceptance is even better but where it goes all pear-shaped for me in this situation is motivation, the determination to go out there and Do Things(Gawd, I could so NOT be an alcoholic, I would totally fail the AA Five step programme).
Which is very weird, considering motivation is the one thing I'm good at. I've always been a really self-motivated person, barging on and taking charge of my life. But But But,you guys, this is the first time in my life that I'm comfortable.I may not be on the route to greatness, but I'm happy. For the most part, all is well in my life. Work may not be the most satisfying, but it's still fun. Family is hale and hearty and the love life is doing gooood (yes, more on that later as well). So I guess, the fire in my belly has dimmed a little bit and I'm wary of stoking it up again. I'm a bit apprehensive of upsetting the tiny semblance of balance that I have in my life at the moment. And let's be honest, I'm afraid of what I may find out there..what if nobody wants me? It's a shit economy, there are NO jobs out there, and what if I go out there and nobody wants me? Scary stuff.
However, as the aforementioned wise person said to me, I can't let that stop me. I HAVE to get myself off my arse and Do Things.
And I guess they're right. So I'm hoping the next few months see me motivating myself and going out there and getting that job.So yes, I'll lose the careful balance I've achieved somehow, but you know, this fire in my belly thing won't go away and I know I'll slowly start hating myself if I don't go out there and Do the Things I'm supposed to be doing. I'm still young and unburdened and the fire in my belly isn't giving me acidity as yet.. so yeah, it's about the right time to motivate myself.
I'll let you know how I get on :)